I wish that I had ugly friends
With goggly eyes and gangly arms,
Buck teeth, obese: no man could be
A sucker for their charms.
I wish that I had stupid friends
With no intellect by far;
Who think that pi is the kind you eat
And get run over by parked cars.
I wish that I had boring friends
Who spend days all in a heap;
Whose apathetic souls contend
With only drink and drugs and sleep.
I wish that I had nasty friends
Who glare and bitch and smack,
For who would want to court a girl
Who stabs you in the back?
But I know men who see past skin deep
Or have fallen for a meaner kind;
Who like a girl who does nought at all
And has nothing on her mind.
They say our friends reflect us all,
Grow more and more alike do we.
So if my friends were all these things
Now what would that make me?